The Thin Line of Fatigue
“In peace [and with a tranquil heart] I will both lie down and sleep, For You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety and confident trust.”
Today, I don't have any advice or anecdotes, I just want to share some of my thoughts and hopefully remind some of you that you aren’t alone.
So, let's talk about fatigue. If you have a chronic illness (or many), there's 99.9% chance you have experienced illness-related fatigue. Most of us probably deal with bouts of fatigue for days, weeks, or even months. I'm grateful to have found a medication that reduces my fatigue significantly. But I still have my days and weeks. It's hard. It's discouraging. It's annoying. Unfortunately, this type isn't the fatigue you can sleep off with a couple of uninterrupted nights of rest. This fatigue can't be solved with caffeine (at least, for the long term) or sleeping pills, and it won't go away if you just "push your way through."
But the reality is, many of us ARE really just pushing through each day. The desire to stay in bed, lie on the couch and/or check out is so strong. Waking up after a full night's rest not feeling refreshed sucks, but a lot of us experience it night after night. Our bodies are sluggish and our minds seem to be working in slow-motion. It takes all of our energy to be productive some days, simply because our minds are not functioning at a decent level. Brain fog is real.
The other day, feeling exhausted, I caught myself wondering if it was laziness. And for the past couple of days, I've been debating the differences between laziness and fatigue - where the line is between them and if anyone would even know. I think I have come to the conclusion that laziness is having the energy to, but not doing any particular activity, while fatigue is tiredness as a result of doing any particular activity (or of illness(es), in our cases). I suppose some would argue that there’s a cycle, and that being lazy drives energy down to the point of fatigue. But I think, for the most part, laziness is completely different than fatigue.
So why is there so much hidden shame in fatigue? I don't think I'm alone in feeling like I was maybe being lazy. It's not anyone’s fault or intention to be fatigued, and I think we chronic illness bearers are hard on ourselves when it comes to this. Sure, we all have lazy days, but we're not lazy. We have illnesses that cause fatigue. We're probably taking some medications that make us feel even more fatigued, too.
It's perfectly okay to rest. You’re not lazy, you’re not useless, and you’re not fruitless. You have fatigue. It’s as much of a symptom as pain, abnormal tests, or any visible evidence of illness. Have your day in bed. Listen to your body. Do not be ashamed.