The Encouragement Dilemma
“May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.”
We’ve all been in the position where we desperately seek encouragement from something or someone via a tangible message or sign that will cure our hurt and lift our spirits. We often wish or pray that someone would suddenly swoop in with a “keep going, you’re doing great!” We secretly (or sometimes publicly; see: social media) become angry when the same people we have encouraged are nowhere to be found when we need encouragement. Those of us with chronic illnesses probably feel these ways more than the typical person, wanting someone to say something that will miraculously make everything better again.
I don’t want to say that wanting encouragement is selfish, because we are emotional human beings that thrive with positive social interactions. However, I believe that we often place unhealthy expectations on the people around us to reassure us whenever we need it (and, inevitably we will find ourselves disappointed when expectations are not met). We want a 100% return on our encouragement investment in others, and we have a tendency to stop uplifting them when it doesn’t happen.
The reality is that we, as Christians, are called to support others without a guarantee of receiving the same in return. If our lives are supposed to mirror that of Jesus’ (which, they are), well, buckle up because there is going to be a lot of giving and much less receiving. Even when we are in pain, or crabby, or want to be left alone, we may still be asked to encourage someone, or even many. The good news is that often we are unexpectedly rewarded for our obedience in comforting others. I’ve found that many times when I have been praying for or speaking words of support to others, God has encouragement waiting for me upon my release. I can’t say how many times I’ve gone to deliver a heartened message to someone, and I end up being the one restored!
“Since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, each of us is to use them accordingly:if [someone has the gift of] prophecy, [let him speak a new message from God to His people] in proportion to the faith possessed; if service, in the act of serving; or he who teaches, in the act of teaching; or he who encourages, in the act of encouragement; he who gives, with generosity; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy [in caring for others], with cheerfulness.”
The other good news is that we have the perfect example of how to beat this encouragement dilemma. Jesus understood His assignment, and He knew He would not receive anything comparable to what He gave. So He did what so many of us fail to do - He shut down His work, went to a quiet place alone, and went to His Father to get in His presence and pray. He allowed God to refresh, renew, and strengthen Him. He sought understanding and encouragement. He even cried to God in desperation and torment.
You see, Jesus grew to understand humanity and all its weaknesses. He understood that nothing man could say could console Him from the misery of this world. He had been disappointed by even His closest friends on multiple occasions, and grew to accept that the only guaranteed encouragement would come from God. He taught, encouraged, and healed others often, but the Bible is clear that Jesus, even as the Son of God, had to recharge by going to the Father.
The same should be true for us, especially since, well, we’re not even close to being like Jesus. We were not designed to live disconnected from God. We are to seek Him first and foremost as the source of encouragement. Our friends, family, spouses, even pastors and leaders, are all amazing people who can provide us with some of the support we need, but they aren’t always available when we need it, nor should we expect them to be.
We want the people we love to “get it,” and to recognize our suffering. Our innermost desire (and need) is to be loved by others. But we all fall short of being everything our loved ones want us to be. So, why not go to the One who is our Creator, who formed us, and knows our deepest inner-workings? He is, after all, the only One who knows how to encourage us the exact way we need.